Grief And Your Mind

Reverend Andi Blanton Personal Stories

I’m told it is normal for the stress of grief to affect your mental and emotional life but it doesn’t feel normal or good. Last night I didn’t sleep well because I missed Mike so much. Today is Valentine’s Day, that retail reminder that you are loved (or not). This morning, I was looking for some jewelry Mike bought me on year for Valentine’s Day. I looked through my jewelry box and a jewelry organizer and I couldn’t find them. I knew they were not gone, but just couldn’t find them. I had a breakdown and cried for 5 minutes. Then took some deep breaths to calm down. Once I did, I realized I had another jewelry box, next to the first, and I found the jewelry there.

My mind was playing tricks on me. I see both jewelry boxes every day but don’t open the second very often. Today, I didn’t “see” it. I just felt panic like I felt in the first days after the accident that took Mike’s life. Those days were all panic and shock. My brain could not make sense of the loss because it doesn’t make sense to have such a sudden, unexpected loss. I felt similarly when I was asked to step down from a volunteer position in ministry unexpectedly. I was doing the best in that position. I was doing a good job. My mind tried to tell me I was not enough, and why didn’t I see this coming. Have you been there?

The truth is that you and I are already enough. Our loved ones, our jobs, our accomplishments make us feel like we are somebody. But we are somebody BEFORE those relationships, those things. God loves us just because we are here and breathing. Jesus gave his life for us before we knew him. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” Romans 5:8. I pray that when our minds tell us we are not enough, that we will remember that God thought we were enough BEFORE we knew Him and He still thinks we are enough.