Loss of Spouse GriefShare Seminar

Losing a spouse is like losing a part of yourself

Your husband or wife was your partner. Your confidante. Your best friend. The person you turned to in good times and bad. You faced the world side by side, and now your spouse is gone. You wonder how it’s possible to go on.

At GriefShare, we understand what you’re going through and want to assure you that you’re not alone. The complex emotions you’re experiencing are common, and even to be expected. 

Grief is a journey, and whether you’re just beginning or have been walking this path for a while, these suggestions can help: 

Be patient with yourself

Are you experiencing overwhelming emotions? Exhausted and in a mental fog? Feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back? Losing a spouse affects all aspects of your life, so it’s important to take things one day at a time, at your own pace.

“One of the big challenges with grief is you don’t know how long you will be on the journey—or even where it will take you. … Grief will affect you in very different ways. Because everyone’s grief is unique.” 

Pam Lundell, radio host; her husband died suddenly, leaving her a single mom

Be honest about what you need

You didn’t just lose your spouse. You also lost the person who paid the bills, the gardener, the one who cooked the meals. Letting people around you provide assistance will help ease the burden. 

“People who say, ‘Is there anything I can do?’ are genuinely offering. Most don’t know what it’s like to grieve and don’t know what you need, so be very specific about your request.” 

Dr. Robert DeVries, author; his wife of 28 years died of cancer

Reach out in your loneliness

After losing a spouse, the temptation to isolate in your grief is understandable; it’s often easier to hide away rather than force a public smile. However, reaching out to supportive, uplifting people is essential for grieving in a healthy way and finding relief. 

“When you‘re going through loneliness, reach out to family members and friends. You might go to a favorite place that you frequented with your spouse, or you may try a new place to establish new traditions.” 

Dr. Fredrica Brooks-Davis, counselor; her husband died 3 months after they were married

Reflect on who you are now

Losing a spouse means losing a huge part of your identity: Instead of being part of a couple, you’re now single, and this changes how you relate in the world. As painful as this is, it’s important to think through who you are without your spouse. 

“For 40 years I saw myself as a husband. That’s now taken away. Sometimes it helps to  reflect on, Who am I? Where am I going with my life? How would I describe myself to somebody else?” 

The late H. Norman Wright, grief and trauma expert; his wife died from brain cancer